King Midas and the Touch of Gold

Sometimes, I compare myself to the mythical king of Greece. The one that turned whatever he touched into gold — King Midas. However, I am far from being magical and I’m not a big fan of gold.

Since I’m from the present of 2012 and not from 200 B.C., my power is quite different from his. My power tends to lean towards technology. I have the ability to strike a lightning bolt to any piece of technology I touch. And while that may seem dramatic, I’m sure the people at Godman Guild feel otherwise. They have the right to feel weary of me touching any of their technology.

On June 14, my fourth day at the Guild, I sat down to my computer, housed in my cubical in the D&O suite, to begin working on a brochure I was going to update. I sat down on my cushioned desk chair and swiveled around to face the computer. I placed my feet on the foot rest under my desk and played with the mouse, waking up the computer. Only the computer didn’t spring to life. I thought, “Okay, maybe it needs time. It is an older computer.”

I decided to walk away to give it some time. After all, I do tend to lean on the impatient side most of the time. I go upfront, say hi to Elaine, the Guild secretary and front desk leader. I fill up my water bottle. I grab a candy bar from the vending machine. Eventually, I walk back to my cube and sit down again. Swivel, spin, flick of the mouse. IT STILL DOESN’T TURN ON.

Frantic, I try holding down the computer power button, hoping for a restart. No dice. I unplug and replug. Nope. I walk down to Robert’s office because he is basically the only on-site IT guy. Then I remember he started his vacation. Fail.

Disheartened, I go into Linda’s office. Pause and breathe deep. Then I tell her that I broke the computer. I see emotion flash across her eyes. Then she gets up, strides into my cube and sits down at my computer. Tries all the same things I had just tried. But then she starts unplugging everything. “We’ll switch towers for now, until Robert gets back. Then we’ll decide what to do with you,” she said.

‘What to do with me?” Uh oh.

I must say, the situation was kind of comical. My computer “died” and I was fighting the urge to laugh as I watched Linda switch out the towers to bring my computer back to life. Just like every other day, she was dressed in high heels and a dress, hair was done just right, and she was on the phone. Yes, we did the entire switcheroo while she conversed on speaker phone with some business woman, talking “shop.”

Little did we know that the “new” tower happened to be the slowest computer known to man. Yes, I understand that old technology can’t keep up when paired with the new. However, I knew that this second computer would lead me to poke my eyes out with a spork. By the next afternoon, I confessed to Linda my reality, the slow computer. I told her that I could deal with it until Robert came back, but in desperation, she called him. Monday morning, he came in, switched my computer with one of the brand new ones from the education computer labs, plugged it in, and left. It was so quick, I didn’t even blink.

The only thing that’s greater than the number of computers I’ve been through since my journey began at the Guild, is the number of times I’ve been on the phone with Revolution Group, trying to fix an issue with a computer or asking for yet another computer to be set up for me. I believe that number is now up to 13. Yes, I’m keeping track.